Starting Afresh

I know I’ve not been writing or to more appropriately say, I’ve not been updating this blog! But, that doesn’t mean that I’ve not had an amazing experience in the last few months. I’m finally a sophomore student…yayy!! I’ve done a lot of things lately, things that I had never even dreamt about; things that were totally against my character.

To begin with, well…I finally performed in a competition, outside the college sphere. It was a duet performance and my duet partner was someone who had totally polar ideas about everything and anything. He believed in living in the moment, for he is living in a definitive time capsule where very little time is left for him to do all the things that he desires to. I don’t agree with his type of time capsule living. I want to grow old and live a very long and happy life. I know time is important but, to live in fast forward with no time to feel and appreciate the little things, to not let the love of others seep through the walls of your heart, to not let the smile of strangers touch your soul, to not experience the thrill of chasing your dreams, to not try new things; a life devoid of emotions and real experiences is not a life but a negotiation. And life is too short to be lived like a business contract with clock ticking, waiting for your heart to stop.

These past few months gave me a lot reasons to smile and cry. I won stuff and lost a lot and when I lost things, they took a part of me. A small piece of me was snatched away every time I lost and it did hurt like hell but slowly I healed and new me was formed. Though, I miss those things and that girl. She was amazing but, this new girl is better version of her. The mistakes I made, the lesson I learnt through them are the ones that made me who I am today. The stuff I won thrilled me and gave me immense happiness but, it didn’t teach me to endure pain and suffering.

I guess enough of this philosophy for now! Well, I won the elections and now, I’m the vice president of Department of English. We finally have a creative writing society “Spilled Ink” and I’m the editor. I got in DU beat too. I’ve popular fiction and so, I’m reading ‘From Russia With Love’ a.k.a James Bond! I’ve finished part one of this book and I’m already in love with spy fiction and of course…JAMES BOND. I don’t know why I never liked watching Bond movies, but then the actors were never really good looking. Though, I’m not totally untouched by Bond movies. I’ve seen Skyfall and it didn’t impress much.

Last two weeks were spent alternatively at hospital and home. I’m excited to go to college on Monday. Things have changed and there is going to be a student panel for department. Even the music society is starting with a western choir. Things are looking good; life is going to be super busy from next week. All I can say is that I would try to update as much as possible! 

It’s good to lose your way sometimes…

13^th June, 2015. I don’t know how to start writing about this particular day. But, I know this that it was one of the most memorable days of my life. So, I’ll just go ahead and start from the beginning itself.

I don’t know what had come into me when I had decided to go alone for this exam. Since, the morning I had this feeling that today’s day will not go as planned. I woke up early and had decided that I’ll leave home early so that I get time to find the place. Yes, I was not sure about the directions. I had the address but this place was supposed to be near the metro station. So, I thought that I’ll easily reach the place or if needed, would ask someone for direction.

But, as I said earlier this day was nothing like I had planned it to be. My exam was at 12:30 p.m. and I was out of metro station at 12:20 p.m. I thought that I had plenty of time to reach the place as the ‘very nice people’ (2 family members and 2 stupid friends) had told me that it was just in walking distance from the metro station. They said that I had to turn from the red light but, in both the directions there was a red light. First I went in the wrong direction then I asked someone. That person told me that I had come the wrong way. I walked and walked in the other direction and finally reached, Kasturba Gandhi Marg. I thought that I had reached the place. I called my family member and guess what happened? Well, he said that I was walking in the wrong direction and I should come back home and would never reach on time now!

I felt so depressed in that moment that I just wanted to keep walking and walking. First time I go out on my own and I can’t even find a bloody place. The sun was bright and cruel. I was sweating profusely and as I looked for my handkerchief, I realized I had lost it somewhere. I felt like crying at this moment but instead I crossed the road. I kept on walking and 3 times I was about to slip. Finally, I saw a direction board on which it was written ‘India Gate’ and ‘Max Mueller Bhavan’. I turned around with a thought of going back home. I don’t know what happened to me in that moment. Suddenly, I wanted to touch that board. So, I walked back to touch that board. As soon as I reach the board, well…there it was! Yes, the place I’ve looking for. An almost square building, it looked like a bright shining star among the tall dark buildings.

In that moment I looked at the sky and wanted to shout out loud “seriously!!!!!!” This meant I was walking in the right direction before and would’ve reached the place. Nevertheless, I crossed the road and reached the other side once again. I went in and booked my test appointment for the next available date.

It was around 1:40 p.m. in the afternoon and still, I was moaning about the missed exam. I decided to explore CP in hope of uplifting my spirit. With an Ice-cream in hand, I floated from one book stall to another. None of the books held any charm for me today. And finally, I decided to have lunch. At lunch I was sitting alone and suddenly a young man (25 above age) asks me to join him. In the beginning I was quite skeptical and to be honest after the horrible morning hardly in mood to talk to anyone. Still, I join him.

He smiles at me and asks “Boyfriend late ho gya kya?”

I just say “No”

Then he looks at me and seriously asks, “Plan cancel kar diya kya phir usne? You look quite upset and angry!!” and add jokingly, “don’t be too hard on him”

This time I’m seriously regretting my decision of joining him. Moreover, what the hell was I thinking when I decided to join a stranger? “No, i’ve just had a shitty day!! And I thought that some lunch would definitely lift my spirits!” I answer irritated.

This time he doesn’t speak for about 2 minutes I guess. Then, he causally introduces himself, “By the way, I’m Narayan Bhatia.”

“I’m Nidhi”, I say nonchalantly.

“Do you remember me?” he asks.

This time I look at his face and jog my memory. But no, I’ve never seen him or heard his name before. Now, everything fell into place because people usually don’t talk to strangers that way. He thought I was someone else. I answer back “I think you have mistaken me for some other person, I don’t know you.”

Further, he tells me about the place he had seen me. As we talk, I realize that we’ve a lot of common acquaintances. As the conversations flowed, he reminisced about his college days and told tales of that time. In no time, the lunch was over and I was calling him “Narayan bhaiya”. I had literally forgotten about my crappy day. I was happy listening to him. He told me about his job and travels. In the end I asked him “waise, why were you alone?” and cheekily I go on to ask “Did your girlfriend ditch you?”

To my surprise he chuckles and smilingly says, “Actually, my Fiancé, not girlfriend! She had some urgent work so, she couldn’t come.”

As we walked outside, I congratulated him and he wished me luck for my future. We both parted with smiles on our faces. Suddenly, the clouds gathered and the heat and unhappiness brought by the bright sun was washed away by the clouds and torrential rain. The rain had rejuvenated my spirits and cloaked me in the cloud of happiness.

Well, I had never imagined that it would rain today or that I’ll make a new friend. This day didn’t go as I had planned but, still I had fun travelling alone and exploring places on my own terms. This was something new for me. Even after so many setbacks and a missed exam, I was calm and happy when I reached home. I still have a smile on my face as I reflect back at my aimless roaming in CP streets to my lunch with a stranger.

P.S. - I think that once in a while everyone should go out, alone! Take a deep breath. De-stress and de-clutter your life!! Let the world speak to you without any filters or interruptions. Be Happy and Be Safe!!

P.P.S - This day wouldn't have been possible if, my Net Card and Phone battery had survived!! 

ROLE REVERSAL

This following article is on an incident that I actually witnessed. Before this little incident, I would’ve never thought that a “male” in this patriarchal society could ever feel self-conscious of a female’s stare. But, it happened and inspired me to write this article.

So, one fine day few girls are all dressed up to have a blast on friend’s birthday. They use the most used and apparently, the best and fastest way to beat the horrible traffic of Delhi – The Delhi Metro. Yes, it has a ladies coach which men are not allowed to board but, then there are a few unfortunate creatures who are either deaf, mentally challenged or rather definitely confused about their sex!

These confused men get a dose of humiliation now and then but still, they try to venture into the forbidden territory. Some brave creatures stand on the joint of the coaches connecting the 'ladies coach' and general coach. It seems as if they just can’t bear the thought of leaving their better half in the company of strangers and others just love staring, after all “they were just looking and what proof do you have that they were staring at you??”

This all brings me to the questions, what if the other half did the same thing to you? What if, a bunch of girls came out of nowhere - laughing loud, stare at you with those calculating eyes, pass that wicked grin and to spice things up say something cheap and whistle??

Coming back to the dressy girls, they were going their own way. They were happy in their own world of silly jokes and poking fun at each other, not caring about the unwanted stares in their direction. And then, there came this guy on the platform. He was standing alone, he stared at the girls and this time all the girls stared back at him in unison. They laughed at some silly joke.

In this fleeting moment, from the second the girls looked back at him till they moved on laughing, any third person could observe the actual discomfort on the face of that boy. All of a sudden he seemed self conscious and retreated back. This incident brought forth the other side. We all are human and hence, can feel all the emotions – good and bad. We all have a private space which when breached by a stranger gives us discomfort, leaving us self-conscious and humiliated.

What will happen if all the women start behaving like men? What will happen if women start going out on a sexual and emotional abuse spree? What will happen if women too start beating up and burn their husbands for not earning enough money like they’re abused for not bringing dowry? What will happen if women also pass the same kind of derogatory remarks on men walking down the streets or throw acid on them for not giving them enough attention?

Think about this kind of world where women give the men the taste of their own medicine. There was a lot of uproar over this peculiar case of “Rohtak Sisters”, where the girls were allegedly found guilty for beating up innocent men. But, then what did they do wrong? Aren’t men abusing women in the worst possible ways? Aren’t they killing, beating mercilessly, raping unknown women and then just proclaiming “she was asking for it”, “she deserved it” and god knows what other things to justify their acts by finding fault in the victims!!

I’m not saying that violence by women is legitimate but, all I’m saying is that violence by human being on any other is wrong. The point is ‘’live and let live”. Just don’t talk about equality to make a statement on social networking sites and get pictures clicked. Try to practice it in real world; don’t limit it to the virtual world. Make this world a better place not just for women but everyone irrespective of the caste, creed, color, nationality, age and gender. The world would become a true hell if every bad action is met with equally bad reaction because as Mahatma Gandhi once said- ‘An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind’!