I am in 10th grade. Today when I look back I only remember that day when I used stand in the corridor of 2nd floor of that building and imagine myself in 10th. I never thought at that time that I would ever want that time to come back. I was too eager to grow up. I was happy at that time but somehow I was not content. I wanted to be at my sister’s place who was in 10th grade at that time. I loved to hear her tell me about her friends and how they went out after giving exams. I loved her freedom. I loved the way she did everything by herself and how my parents trusted her because she was old enough to be trusted. Even when I was in 6th grade and my class would sit in 10th-A for Hindi class, I would pray to god that I want to sit in this class only and I want this teacher to teach me Hindi. How ironic it is today that I am in 10th-A and that same teacher teaches me Hindi but somehow I don’t feel that happy that I thought I would be when I’ll have all these things. I imagined myself to be on the top of the world if I got everything I wanted. Today that desire seems so stupid to me. Today I have that everything I ever dreamed of but still I am not ‘that’ happy. What is wrong? What am I missing? What is it that I want? Why do I want to go back? Well I guess I know what happened. I became the victim of growing up. As it is said- Ignorance is bliss. I think I now know the true meaning of it. At that time I had the tiniest idea of reality. I used to play for hours. Watch TV. I was never worried about the consequences of my actions. At that time everyone around me used to score good in their tests and it happened not because the course was less or easy. For our little minds it was more than enough and still at that time we use to manage to play for hours, attend our dance and music classes, and do hell lot of things. I think it was like this because we had a very little idea of reality. We didn’t care about the scores. We actually studied things at that time without tension. At that time we didn’t have to study keeping in mind the fact that if we scored well then we’ll get our stream and if we don’t then we’ve to change our school or better sit in arts section. As it is said- the most difficult thing used to be figuring out the color scheme of a drawing. Today we are worried about everything and anything that comes along our way. Today when we have a better grasp of reality and everything doesn’t just revolve around “Pokemon” or “Sakura”, we get worried about the consequences of our action. We get afraid before even trying it. We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes. To be perfect. Obviously, growing up has its advantages like independence but it becomes all the more useless when we are scared to take steps. This fear in our mind is what makes us want to go back because at that time we were definitely fearless of the outcomes. We want to relive tension free moments of our lives. So, I think what we want today is to take steps fearlessly. To be brave enough and then I don’t think so we’d ever want to go back. To take challenges head on. We need inspiration not a negotiation with ourselves. Everyday teaches us something and with every rising sun comes new possibilities and opportunities. It’s just that we have to see them through the veil of pessimism that we wear everyday. In the end I’d leave you all with this beautiful quote from a beautiful book.
“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs, or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls.”
- A Thousand Splendid Suns.
